Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
