Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
