I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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