Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
