We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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