i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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