Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let's get the cat blown out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need a beard to bite.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
