I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We are all done wearing pants today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
