Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
