haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
