The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize