Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
