Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
