It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize