DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
