Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
