The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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