dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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