I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
