According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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