i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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