hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
