Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
