Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
