.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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