I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
