You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
