Where is the hickey?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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