I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
