she's into porn, im staying here tonight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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