someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
