i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
