I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
