Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
