pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
