My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
