Quick, to the slutcave!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
