Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
worst night to have a conscience
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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