you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
