I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
