That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
