Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
