I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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