you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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