Got a toothbrush?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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