hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
