I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
