Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
