All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
