Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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