my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
