I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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