Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
