Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
