I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
