No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
