And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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