accomplished twins. life is a go
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
