Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize