doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
