I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
