I bet he comes in French.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
