Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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