He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
