Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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