Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
